The general idea of romance
by Mornings Light
Summary: "So you're telling me, that the guy you're interested in, you've been spying on him for the past two weeks?" Yamanaka Ino, a private investigator, has been using her espionage skills to attempt to get closer to a mild-mannered teacher. Unfortunately, things aren't going exactly according to her plans, as he doesn't really seem to pick up on her carefully staged encounters.
1. Chapter 1: A Bad Idea

**Chapter 1: A bad idea**

"So you're telling me, that the guy you're interested in, you've been _spying _on him for the past two weeks?" Sakura began, gaping incredulously and a little disapprovingly at Ino.

Well… she didn't exactly think anyone would bestow their blessings on her as Ino used her professional investigating skills for recreational purposes. Yes, the blonde girl seated across from her reinstated best friend was a private investigator, just like her father before her, and this meant that she had a nice stream of cases coming in. They were usually from individuals and agencies to hire her to spy for their businesses, as well as suspicious spouses, which wanted her to search for evidence against their partners so that they had viable grounds for divorce.

They were sat in a well-lit, cosy café, artful pictures of coffee, tea and food decorated the walls. Sakura savoured the scent of her vanilla chai before taking a small sip. Ino was ravenous and had finished her tea, croissant and was making headway into her salad right about now as she regaled her with her latest exploits.

"Oh it's not even proper spying, just casually tailing him from work and figuring out his schedule. It's not like I've done a CRB check on him or anything!" Ino retorted defensively, thinking she was being incredibly saint-like for not doing that until she had officially said hello to him (but it didn't mean she wasn't planning it…).

Meanwhile, her pink-haired friend was pinching the bridge of her nose, something she did to ward off oncoming headaches, usually caused by the fair-haired girl who had a bad history with men in the romantic sense. And it didn't really take a genius to figure out why! Yamanaka Ino was seriously spying on some innocent man who she had no right to, tailing him, recording his schedule, checking who he talked to, what he did in his free time, where he worked, who he hung around with… all because the woman said she couldn't get his smile out of her mind. Sakura personally thought you couldn't start a healthy relationship like that, but Ino was as wilful as a princess and did whatever she wanted.

"Remember what happened with Sai?"

Ino's face briefly clouded over. Yes, she did remember what had happened with that enigmatic Fine Art student from Kyoto University.

"If it wasn't for that baby-faced Sasori-Masori, I'd have been perfectly okay!" Ino pointed out, glaring as she remembered her least favourite redhead right now.

Thankfully, the topic of their mutual enemy seemed to bring Sakura back into her good spirits. She had recently been stressed with exams and her new internship at the hospital, but the pinkette had passed her ordeal for now and told Ino to tell her of this mystery man - who still had no idea that he had a rather obnoxious stalker.

"So, how did you two meet?" Sakura began, taking a sip of her tea and glancing at her friend, who was probably imagining Sasori as she stabbed her fork in the salad and plucked out an olive.

"Well, we haven't met properly yet. I'm planning on meeting him-" By that, Ino meant that she would stage a meeting with him where she would appear in her best light and then continue these little bumps until he'd feel compelled to ask her out "- outside his school. He's a teacher-"

"A TEACHER?" Sakura squawked, wondering what Ino was thinking. "Ino!" Sometimes, she wanted to shake her friend. Really, really hard.

"He's really young, he graduated university early!" Ino added quickly, hoping to mollify the stricken girl before her. "And before you ask, I know this because his name is on the staff list of the school website which is _public _information. I didn't steal it. But I met him two weeks ago, believe it or not, at Tsunade-Sensei's clinic. I was coming to see you when I saw the wallet and hurried to the man who had dropped it. He was really grateful, smiling so- oh _Kami-Sama_, he has such a lovely smile! That was what drew me in!"

And the fact that he was a black-eyed beauty. But if she told Sakura that, then the other girl would get interested and possibly steal her man. Not that he _was_ her man. Yet. No, this wasn't just a paranoia that Ino suffered, it happened all the time. Like with Sasuke, then with Sai and even Sasori. All the men she had pursued, they always ended up being liked by Sakura as well. It wasn't really Sakura's fault, she just tended to like the same type of boys that Ino liked. And Ino didn't like trampling all over Sakura's heart so ended her pursuit for them. But that didn't mean that she didn't like the boys… she did, but she just Sakura over them and it resulted in a mess and all sorts of complications.

She hated love triangles.

So that was why, when Sakura asked for the mystery man's name, Ino averted her gaze and lied. It was a terrible lie because the first thing you learn about a client is their name.

"Why don't you want to tell me?" Sakura arched a quizzical brow, far too sharp to let Ino's lie slide. "Maybe he's a patient here and I could hook you up with a legitimate meeting."

That would be terrible! Imagine if he was already crushing on the lipstick-haired intern and wanted to only get close to Ino just so that he could understand Sakura? Because that _had _happened before and it wasn't a really nice feeling. Ino shook her head. She wasn't so woebegone that she needed Sakura's help- who was also a loveless loser by the way, despite having the attention of idiots who regularly liked becoming hospitalised just to see her. Ahem, Uzumaki Naruto and Rock Lee.

"No. I'm going to do this perfectly this time. I've got my role worked out to the finest detail, I've even bought the clothes and everything."

…

Sakura looked grim. When Ino mentioned the word 'role', it certainly wasn't good. Seriously… what scheme was she planning this time so that she could garner this man's attention- and was he even worth it!

"Ino… remember the last time you posed as a Fine Art student just to get Sai's attention?"

Ino slammed her chopsticks down. "Why do you keep bringing Sai-San into this? I'm over it! Besides, being an art student was easy until he asked to see my portfolio. And then got shirty that I thought Picasso sucked at drawing. Oh please, Sakura, it's true! Asuma-Sensei's two year old can draw better than Picasso could and she just scribbles!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, but a smile was threatening to burst from her lips. "Fine fine… what's your role? Let's see how believable it really is."

"Well, since he's a teacher, I'm going to be a teacher too!"

The feeling of wanting to shake Ino hard was coming back very soon. _"What is she thinking?"_

"Ino, he'll realise you're not a teacher very, very soon. Especially as you work part-time at the flower shop."

"Oh no, I'm a supply teacher. I bought teacher clothes already. I have long, boring skirts, all creamy and mumsie-styles with sweaters and blouses. I already look three times less attractive so he won't be intimidated by my good looks."

Ino's ego, currently occupying the land mass of Russia, made Sakura roll her eyes once more and imperceptibly shake her head. She could give her reckless friend a million reasons why this relationship was doomed, but Ino wasn't going to listen to her at all. Sakura wasn't convinced, even though her blue-eyed friend insisted that everything would be just fine.

"Well, my break's over… just… let me know how your first meeting goes. And if you feel like telling me about this mystery man's name," Sakura added, pulling on her labcoat as she slid out of her seat.

Ino nodded followed Sakura out of the café, but both were heading to separate destinations. Sakura to the hospital and Ino, after a quick change at home into a cream-coloured skirt and navy sweater (it was so boring she wore her usual silver, studs for earrings) had made her direction to the school that he worked.

It was three o' clock right now, so she had fifteen minutes to puncture a tyre from his bike (he was an eco-friendly individual), casually drive by as the raven-haired man, balancing a book and a file in one arm, stood to inspect the damage. She rolled down her car's window and called him to attention.

"Ah… excuse me, I was just covering for Kurenai-Sensei who is on maternity leave and was wondering how to get out of this car park. I'm just a little lost and I was coming around to ask some students but they ran off as soon as they saw me," Ino said in an embarrassed tone of voice as she glanced over at the dark-haired man. And then her eyes caught sight of his bike she rearranged her expression into one that looked appropriately aghast at the deflated tyre.

"Oh, _Kami-Sama_… so that's what those boys were doing! I'm sorry I didn't stop them sooner! Is your house far away?"

Ino already knew where he lived, which was a ten minute drive from here, twice as long by bike, but she didn't think he would appreciate that. He merely offered her his usual, polite smile, the one he had given her when she had handed him his wallet two weeks ago and she could see that there was faint recognition glimmering in his dark eyes.

"Not too far," he answered politely and had already told her that if she made a left at the first exit near the gates, she would be out on the main road.

He didn't tell her where he lived though. In fact, he walked off and headed down to the bus stop on the street, glancing at his watch and stood patiently with all the rowdy kids that surrounded him (and pretended to behave because a teacher was with them).

It hadn't been part of her plan to let him escape. He ought to have come with her in the car and would have dropped him home, perhaps a tentative invitation for tea or something for doing another favour for him. But she didn't want to seem too eager right now because that tended to frighten boys. Like Sasuke.

So the next day, whilst his bike was sent for repairs and she knew he was getting the bus back home, she got in to the same bus, three stops down from the school and upon spotting him, she offered him a nod and a casual smile (because this wasn't staged at all), and he returned her nod with his own from the book he was reading until he realised that there were no more seats left on the bus and stood up to let her sit down.

"Ah, you didn't have to-"

"It's alright," he smiled amiably at her, marking the page of his book with one hand whilst the other curled around the orange, metal railing as he stood. He looked so serene, standing still even when the bus jerked from its stop and swerved round the corner.

"Thank you," Ino added, offering him a winning smile, glancing at him. "You're the sensei from yesterday, aren't you? Ah, Yamanaka Ino," she offered him a nod and he glanced away from the window, back to the blonde whose hair was in a bun.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Uchiha Itachi."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Itachi-San," she smiled.

Unfortunately, even though Itachi told her that it was nice to meet her, he didn't really say anything else. He didn't invite her for lunch, ask her for coffee or even engage her with conversation. He just answered her with short, simple responses and left it at that.

…

Maybe the teacher clothes were just _too _unattractive and weren't doing it for him? She furrowed a brow as she watched him get off the bus. Well… that could have gone better than expected.

-x-

Throughout the week, Ino staged many such 'coincidental' encounters with him, meeting him at various places in town, when he was shopping, when he was letting the cat in and even when he was around his tousle-haired friend (he only ever seemed to have one).

It was perhaps when she joined him in the public library at the weekends, conveniently holding _The Duma Key_ by Stephen King, a book that she knew he liked (but she'd only skimmed through) that he opened up a little more to her.

"Don't you feel sorry for Perse? She's the one whose truly cursed," Ino began, hoping that an alternative view might help him converse a little more.

However, what she got was a lot more than little conversation and she almost lost the thread because she hadn't really read the book as enthusiastically as Itachi.

However, he finished it on a note that Perse was not meant to be felt sorry for.

"She was an entity that brought death and tragedy to everyone in the book. It's not the author's intention to make us feel bad for her. That is why he destroyed the Duma Key in the end."

…

Ino hadn't got that far in the book but she nodded along and she wondered if he swallowed any of her lines on metaphors about similarities to human lives and stuff. Well, she was meant to be a supply teacher, not a Nobel laureate.

However, after she got a hold of his bookshelf and the sorts of things he liked, which was no easy feat for he didn't really have a social networking account like facebook, that was where she managed to gather his interest.

And then she finally completed the full search on him, but what she found surprised and shocked her at once. So much so, that she rang Sakura again.

"Sakura! You'll never believe this but you know the mystery man? He's Sasuke-Kun's brother!"

There was a slight pause on the other end, probably taking in the revelation with deep, measured breaths.

"Well, he told you his name, right?"

"Yeah, Uchiha Itachi… but Uchiha is a common surname, isn't it? Like Tanaka, Nakamaru, Uchiha," Ino listed off, unable to believe that out of all the Uchiha in Japan, it had to be a relation the one that she had liked and fought for all those years ago. Not only that, it was a relation that she would see often.

"Oh."

Oh? Was that all Sakura could say? _OH?_

Shouldn't she be getting all in a tizzy and shocked and surprised about it? This was a rather anticlimactic reaction.

"Well… I don't think it's a good idea to go for him, Ino," was all Sakura told her, and then the phone went dead, leaving Ino wondering why it was a bad idea.

Because his CRB check was squeaky clean.

* * *

_**Author's Notes: **_

_For Mel & Cat. Because I adore them._


	2. Chapter 2: A Worse Idea

**A Worse Idea**

Although Sakura had said that it was a bad idea, she hadn't actually mentioned _why_ it was such a bad idea. But then again, Sakura had thought Ino's line of work had been a bad idea too. Therefore, the fair-haired girl chose to ignore that warning and continued onwards with her plan. Obviously, she needed to arrange longer meetings because running into him in the library or whilst he was on errands or on the bus wasn't enough! Ino concluded that she required at least an hour to work her magic. And she had just the plan.

* * *

As Ino swung her around, the little baby squealed in delight, her black curls bouncing every time she was flown high into the air and then swooping down low enough so that the tips of the toddler's toes brushed the carpet, right before she was vaulted into the air again.

"I hope she doesn't get used to that," Kurenai remarked with a surprised smile, watching Ino playing with her daughter. "Otherwise she'll ask me to do it all the time too!"

Ino laughed, cuddling the girl in her arms before handing her back to Kurenai. "Aww, well so what if she does, huh?"

"Between you and the rest of the gang, she's gonna grow up spoiled rotten," the woman replied in a mock-stern voice, but Ino could tell that Kurenai didn't mind too much.

"So-o, did you make the call?" Ino inquired, a hopeful light filling her eyes.

The woman sighed, parting her red lips and shaking her head. "Yes-" At this point Ino had gasped in delight, flinging her arms around Kurenai and spilling out a multitude of _thank you's_ until Kurenai interjected with a 'but'.

"But only for the one day. That was all I could manage."

One day was more than enough. Ino hugged the woman, kissed baby Ume Sarutobi and went on her way to get ready for her first day of school. See, she wasn't exactly lying; she _was _a supply teacher now! Truly. They would love her.

* * *

They hated her.

They talked when she talked, made rude remarks about what they were meant to be studying and didn't even pretend to look interested in what she was teaching them. Kids these days. Ino was certain_ she_ had never been like that. There was just one girl who attempted to be good and it reminded her of the way Sakura used to be in class (a teacher's pet) and was the only one who knew or cared about The Water Cycle. How did Kurenai deal with these idiots? Most of the children were talking amongst themselves, not giving a toss about evaporation or the sea or anything, which was rather worrying because Kurenai had informed Ino they would be having tests soon. Ino was certain that she had never been so rude to her teachers. Especially someone as glamorous as herself.

"RIGHT! The next idiot to be trading Yu-Gi-Oh cards in class, I will make you eat them and then give you detention for a week!"

It sounded a lot more impressive than it actually was, because Ino was only here for a day. And that was when her dreamboat sailed into the classroom, Uchiha Itachi, holding a small stack of papers in his hand and a surprised smile on his face. Ino's ire instantly faded and she beamed delightedly. Someone in the class muttered 'hormones' and another giggled, but she was too busy being delightful to tell them off.

"Itachi-San! I mean, Sensei! You're here!" Not that it was a surprise, since this was all staged for him (even the part where she'd faked a teaching qualification), but pretended to look like she actually did this every day and was totally at ease in the classroom.

"Yamanaka-San," he acknowledged with a polite nod and glanced around the class, they looked alright for the most part but he had been certain he'd heard yelling before stepping in. "Sorry to interrupt, but my stapler-"

The bell for break rang and Ino chose this moment to depict her awesome teacher-acting skills.

"Everyone, file out calmly, there's no need to rush. Thank you. That's really good, Ari. No Hatsu, you're not getting the cards until the end of the day- oh, go on then," Ino rolled her eyes in a good-natured sort of way and handed the entire collection back to the baffled boy. He grinned at Ino before scurrying off after his friends.

She turned back to Itachi as the last of the students filed out and smiled expectantly at him. "Ahaha, what was it, about your stapler?"

"Mine has unfortunately gone missing and I just needed these stapled for the next lesson, I was hoping to borrow one from here," he replied in his gorgeous voice. Well... Ino was sure he didn't mean to make it sound seductive, but she had never met a man that could talk about mundane subjects like staplers and take her breath away.

"One moment!" She gestured with her hands, eager to please him. Ino pulled open drawers and shut them again, her fingers expertly ran across items and put them back exactly where she found them before peering at her (Kurenai's) desk and finally found what she needed. He reached out his hand to take it, but she couldn't waste this opportunity to look helpful and said: "Oh please, let me!"

The blonde leaned forwards, clamping the stapler over the sheaf of papers he was holding and stapled them all together. He nodded, about to mouth a thanks when he moved the papers, only to find that he couldn't.

She had stapled his tie to the pieces of paper.

"Oh Kami-Sama! Oh I'm _so_ sorry! Itachi-San! I- wait, I'll get it out, hold on!" And she dipped her head further forwards, her face close to his chest and trried to pry apart the small, metal fastenings between cloth and paper, not realising that the dark-haired man was staring uncomfortably at her and craning his neck over to the door (and avoiding the fact that she was wearing a v-necked sweater). It looked very weird, her lips over his tie and buttons. He could feel his neck beginning to get warm and decided that enough was enough.

"Yamanaka-San, it's alright, I'll do it. It's not a big problem," Itachi tried to reassure her, even managing a little smile.

Thankfully, she took her lips and teeth away from his tie and straightened back up, though she stared up at him with apologetic, blue eyes. It was obviously a big problem and she clasped her hands in front of her. "I'm really, really sorry."

So much for making a good impression. She desperately wanted to make it alright and her eyes darted around the room, looking for a solution, until they landed on it. There was a pair of scissors on the desk and she leaned forwards, aiming to simply pry apart the staple but when she looked up at Itachi, her hand slackened on the scissors and-

_SNIP!_

The end of the tie, along with the sheet of papers were finally freed thanks to the clean cut she'd administered. Itachi looked down at the remains of his tie, slashed diagonally across his thorax and looked back towards her.

"..."

Ino was still holding the scissors but dropped them instantly when she caught Itachi's gaze and dropped down to her knees, her long hair curtaining the mortified expression which had exploded on her face.

"I'M DEEPLY SORRY!" She apologised again, wishing that there was an air vent or some hole under the table she could crawl into and hide until Itachi went away. "I'm such an idiot! I didn't even know! I wasn't even trying to, Itachi-San, I'll buy you a new tie, the exact same type! I just-"

She would've stayed in that almost bow-crouch position had he not asked her to look up.

"It's alright, Yamanaka-San," he sweatdropped, not quite sure why she looked more upset about the ruined tie than he did but he knew he should appease her. He set the test papers aside and took off the remains of his tie, and then glanced over at her. "Well, that was certainly an eventful start to my day. Before break ends, would you like some tea or coffee?"

This was probably why she was falling for him. There wasn't even a crease on his face to hint that he was irritated. In fact, _he_ was trying to make _her_ feel better!

The blonde glanced at the tie and nodded slowly, swallowing hard as she watched him turn around to fill the kettle and procure two teacups. They sat, drinking tea, Ino turning red as he showed her the staple remover and removed the paper's from the tie with an amused look in his eyes and Ino apologised again. They stopped talking about the tie and instead he brought up a topic on Charles Dickens- but to be honest, Ino had no idea what the Dickens he was on about in some parts of th conversation. However, she did manage to redeem herself a smidgen by offering to wash the cups as he took his leave. She noticed that he'd left the remains of his tie at the desk. Her fingers stroked the cloth, it was generic black, probably old, definitely boring. Really, she had done him a favour by cutting it. But it didn't stop her from pocketing it and wearing a smile the rest of the day and even Hatsu couldn't help raising his brows when she waved wildly as Itachi walked past her class.

"You liiiikeeee-"

He was promptly silenced as Ino held onto a rare Yu-Gi-Oh card in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. Nobody messed with her after that and the rest of the classes flew by uneventfully. Ino didn't understand why you needed teaching qualifications to teach. She'd got through this easily!


End file.
